Romance Purity Test

Jesse's Romance Test

Please answer all questions truthfully and send the

results to the address at the bottom.

o    Is your head shaved?
o    Do you have delusions that your really Klingon?
o    Consume human blood?
o    Are you pierced in places other than your ears?
o    Do you have any tattoos?
o    Do you have a felony conviction?
o    Do you belong or did belong to a group that advocates overthrowing the U.S. government?
o    Have you visited Cuba, North Korea or Iraq in the last year?
o    Are you a registered agent for a foreign government?
o    Were you released from any mental health institution?
o    Are you under psychiatric care right now?
o    Were you born a female? Come on guys, makeup, clothes and plastic surgery don't cut it.
o    Do you have one and only one personality? If not each personality must complete a separate questionnaire.
o    If you have multiple personalities, does any personality stalk another personality?
o    Are any two or more of your personalities dating each other?
o    Are you a Wicca/Pagan believer, cult member or priestess?
o    Do you have red hair? No peeking at the bottle.
o    Do you have blonde hair? No peeking at the bottle.
o    Do you have brunette hair? No peeking at the bottle.
o    Can you swim?
o    Have you ever had a date with Martina Navratilova?
o    Do you belong to a witch coven?
o    Are you a vampire?
o    Are you a veteran of the Sexual Revolution?

Have you ever, at any time in your life.
o    Been a Cheerleader?
o    Belonged to a sorority
o    Done professional work as a model?
o    Done professional work as an actress?

Controlled Substances
o    Do you use Prozac?
o    Do you use Marijuana, but only if you inhaled?
o    Do you use Caffeine? Intravenous caffeine feeds DO NOT count.
o    Do you like/use Chocolate?

Encounters with Extraterrestrial Aliens
o    If you are a nonhuman Extra Terrestrial let's just forget the whole thing.
o    If you are a Human Extra Terrestrial, we can talk.

Abductions
o    Were you ever kidnapped/abducted by a UFO?
o    Were you ever kidnapped/abducted by the CIA?
(Kidnappings and abductions by the FBI don't count.)

Were any of the people listed below in the kidnapping/abduction party?
o    Pee Wee Herman
o    Lee Majors
o    Elvis Presley
o    Cary Grant
o    Have you ever dated outside the human species?

Have you ever, at any time had
o    Puppy love
o    A crush
o    A broken heart
o    Unrequited love
o    Toxic Chocolate Shock
o    Toxic Garlic Shock

Last updated June 14 1998

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